Date: 29th July 2008 at 10:27am
Written by:

If you missed the first part of The Idiocy Of The Football Fan, click here.

Basically in the last article, a single comment from a woman while waiting to board our bus back to Aberdeen from Parkhead inspired me to write it. And since then, I’ve been wondering to myself every night, really, why do we keep going back for more?

Well I’ve come up with a theory that shows to me just how stupid we are, going back for more, again, and again, and again…I call this theory ‘the chip shop theory’, and you will soon understand why.

A chip shop opens. One day you’re peckish and decide you’ll go to the new chip shop to see what it’s like. You get a jumbo sausage supper. When you get home and unravel the meal, the sausage is very slimy and the chips are brick hard. So you’ve got two options, do you keep going to the same chip shop, producing sh*t week in week out, because it’s your local, or do you go to one further away, although it’s not your local, but because it has better quality of the same food on offer?

Unless you’re not very bright, you should be able to spot what is referring to what in that theory.

HOWEVER, this theory could also be used by glory hunters too and be perfectly understandable and sensible, but when it comes to football, it seems you aren’t allowed to use the above excuse for not supporting your local football team.

You could also swap chip shops and football around in their current roles in society. A person could walk around town wearing the t-shirt of the best chip shop in town, even though it’s not their local, and even though they never go to it, but wear it because that chip shop’s the best and they feel good wearing the t-shirt that is indirectly exclaiming ‘I like good quality’, instead of ‘I keep going back for more sh*t for no apparent reason’, of which in a chip shop world, the first would be perfectly acceptable. But in the footballing world is a disgrace.

You can also compare chip shop meals to football in another way. You can go to the local chip shop 38 times a season/year, and every so often you will get one good meal that leaves you happy for at least another week, that for some reason that 1 good meal makes up for the past 4 or 5 revolting ones. I will also leave you to figure that one out for yourself.

So yeah, that’s the chip shop theory. Feel free to use it in pub/messageboard discussions.